promenade, préfecture, pasta

When you’re as high-strung as I am, it’s a little bit hard to fathom that there are people in the world who actually let their minds go blank every once in awhile. Not in the “stare at the wall until your eyes go dry” or the “stress out so hard until you fall asleep on the bus” sort of way, but really and truly just… chill. Sometimes, I ask the Country Boy what he’s thinking. “Nothing,” he answers… and I believe him. I just don’t get it.

For as long as I can remember, my mind whirs. Constantly. It’s not something I can turn off, no matter how hard I’ve tried. In college, I went through a period of trying to drink my mind quiet, which didn’t really work and is a very bad idea if you want to accomplish anything, ever, or if you want to keep the same pants size. After I graduated from college, I tried giving myself nothing to do, and therefore nothing to think about. I think that made it worse. I used to firmly believe that people don’t change; while I’ve come to relax (a bit) with regards to this, I still believe that, fundamentally, we all remain the same. This is a part of me that will always be; I think I’m okay with it now.

Still, it’s incredible to watch TCB just… be. I envy him his calm, the way that he can let pretty much anything roll off his back. When I annoy him to a point where I would be exploding, he laughs… and then he does housework.

For me to be in a state that even resembles that kind of calm, I need to do something. It might seem counter-intuitive, but activity relaxes me; sitting around doing nothing makes me feel horrid, but going out into the world, for exploration or just on my way to somewhere else… Well, that’s where my zen lies, I suppose.

Today was the exact opposite of zen. Today, TCB accompanied me north, far north on the line 4, for the annual rendez-vous that every expat dreads: the Carte de Séjour renewal, made all the more dramatic seeing as my first appointment, at the end of November (for the renewal of a CDS that expired in September) went poorly and had me coming back for a second appointment. I was convinced that a second denial would not send me into the uncomfortably in-between status I had been living in for more than three months, but back home… for good.

So yesterday, TCB and I escaped Paris for a couple of hours, out to the hiking trail that I visited with the Shoe Fiend and Camille and her husband back in August. I made the same sandwiches — steak and caramelized onions — and we set off. This time, without the risk of rain, we allowed ourselves to get lost in the woods, accidentally-on-purpose walking across the entire regional park before finally making it to the castle.

My heart was pounding nearly the whole time, but I could blame it on the uphill climb. TCB held my hand the whole time, like he did this morning as I squirmed in the préfecture waiting room for two hours. Finally, I was asked to sign something. I didn’t even realize that meant the answer was “yes,” until they handed me my temporary CDS and sent me on my way.

TCB and I celebrated with a beer and a burger in the sunshine. What I wanted was comfort food; that’s what I got. Something American to celebrate being allowed to remain in France… though I took the liberty of using Toulouse sausage and raclette cheese. After all, I can: I’m staying.

Pasta Bake

250 g. uncooked macaroni

2 onions
2 Tbsp. butter
1 tsp. salt
200 g. sausage (I used Toulouse sausage, but any seasoned sausage you like would work)
1/4 cup red wine
1 small (15 oz.) can whole peeled tomatoes

4 oz. melting cheese (I used raclette, but you could also use mozzarella)

Slice the onions very thinly. Heat the butter over medium-low heat in a skillet and add the onions and salt. Cook until soft and slightly caramelized, about 15 minutes.

Remove the sausage from its casing and add to the skillet. Bring the heat up to medium-high to brown the sausage, breaking it up into small pieces with a wooden spatula. When the sausage is cooked, add the red wine to deglaze the pan.

Add the tomatoes to the pan and lower the heat. Allow the sauce to simmer while the pasta cooks according to package directions, and preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Taste the sauce for seasoning, then toss the cooked pasta with the sauce. Spread in a baking dish and top with the cheese. Bake until the cheese is melted and bubbly. Serve with parmesan and a glass of red wine, because heck, you deserve it.